I spent the last hour moving all my old blog posts from my old blog to the trash.  I can safely say that I found everything I wrote truly abhorrent.  I am now questioning why I proceeded to start a brand new blog page.  Ah, yes, these first three sentences are a clear indication that I have a writers brain.

The question is, what will I do with this brain.  Will I continue to make excuses? Will I continue to tell myself it’s not even worth writing because it will never turn into something? What exactly is this something? Is it money? fulfillment? Likes? Comments? Validation?  What is this something I seem to crave so desperately from my writing.  Ah,  yes, I have a writers brain.

The fact that I was able to set this blog site up, and close the other one down, without technical incident is a TRIUMPH.

Or clicking the mouse till it freezes up everything while the )7300 error code pops up, is a TRIUMPH.

I cannot make this up.  While I was typing this  ‘Welcome message”, my computer completely blacked out and I received a glorious pop-up that stated, “I needed to restart my computer to install updates.”


I was desperate to reinvent myself after babies. I NEEDED to make money and not have to lose it all to daycare. For a variety of reasons..

I also thought I could make a difference in peoples lives. And… in walked the Multi Level Marketing/Direct Marketing/ Network marketing. Whatever . Any business where your selling other peoples shit, on your dime, your time and not getting paid ..unless you meet some crazy housewives-of- cards-flow-charting-fluid -pyramid-chart-thing that doesn’t even make sense to people who have business degrees.

Here is my issue with all of this MLM stuff. While I’m glad people are speaking about about the fallacy of this ‘home biz’ dream, People who are super successful, do not operate in a icky, salesly aggressive manner. They are SLICK.

They have elaborate business workshops and massive followings for their weekend- long spa-like-seminars. Their success is absolutely real. They have the stay-at-home spouses , who ‘fired their boss’, to prove it. The cars. The trips. The houses. The college education paid for and they invested wisely…..

BUT it’s not attainable for many and there is absolutely no transparency in their long- winded posts and webinars.

That lack of transparency is hid under their layers of real success. They tell you how they got there, from the humblest of beginnings but they really don’t tell how they did it you either. There is so much conflicting, confusing information , washed away with exploding presentations and concert-like venues.

Also, because they are so wildly successful.. they get “out” of that business AND become ‘home business consultants.’

Additionally, they book highly reputable speakers on the subject of social media marketing /influencing or whatver the eff it’s called. It actually appears very legitimate. They actually preach on NOT being aggresive and how to be super mysterious and make people “come to you and interview for a position on your sales team.”. .

It’s all very, very layered in a non-transparent double speak. It’s all very intelligently presented, its cohesive webinars and break-out workshops. Backed by awe inspiring stories of Doctors and Lawyers who “quit their day jobs ” to “run their home biz.”

Wow. Who can’t be inspired by a Doctor who, quit his/her career AS A DOCTOR;

After completing med school?

And a grueling residencey?

Who is now more fulfilled, financially, spiritually and mentally… selling keto oil.

Don’t get me started on the Drs who push mlm nutrition supplements. NO!

What I find super baffling is, my friends that are in mlms, are not icky sales people. The proverbial downline. They never inbox me. They are very low key and some of the products they sell are high quality.

And more importantly the products are legit to them. I have no idea how much money they make because they don’t flaunt it. They sell it because they use it. The same reason I signed up for Beachbody.

I loved the fitness programs, taught them and I liked shakeoolgy. But I couldn’t justify the INSANE price and aggressive selling tactics so I left because I was literally telling people where to buy the comparable product at the local nutrition shop, by the end of my short lived emerald ocean tour.

Plus, I got sick of shakes. and sick of my upline telling me I needed to drink shakeology every day. Now I drink some brand from the nutrition shake-shack ..maybe twice a week, when its warm out.

I also loved the 31 Totes, Stella and Dot and some Pampered Chef stuff. .and the oils from fueding oil companies, smelled fantastic. Although ingesting them in lieu of going to the doctor or INGESTING THEM AT ALL..seemed a bit off to me.but also I just bought oregano oil pills from my pharma so maybe I’m a hypocrite or maybe I’m confused.

Be smart be safe and trust modern medical miracles.

Some of the products are well made and worthwhile.

And it is really diffficutl to say no to a friend who is trying to make some extra cash ,,when they didn’t even ask but their social media shares are sweet, compelling and non aggressive.

There is so much more layering in all of this that goes beyond simply identifying charlaton sales ads or hunbots as they are called now.

And hunbots are not so self aware they are going to read this blog and have a wake up call about their creepy hunbot behavior (google the term if you don’t know ..I’m too lazy to link the definition).

I know this blog piece is lost on many who do do this for a living or do it to get discount on fragrant oil or eyelash serums. Or you never had to reinvent your self in your career.

I don’t know what the answer is to addressing the deception. God knows.. I’ve searched because I was incredibly misled on my journey as a healht “coach.’

I firmly believe the people at the tippy top of the organizations, are not being held accountable for the utter lack of transparency.

And why hasn’t anyone in the government or with real power to set regulations, spoke out against the pretzel logic business models ?

.BECAUSE they are neatly packaged in some amazing seminars backed by NYT best selling authors & successful entrepreneurs..like Chalene Johnson and the “Dammit all to hell, Karen..go Wash your freaking Face!”.. Gal ….

For me, I had to get nice and depressed and lose money to get out

I would hate that for my friends. But I also don’t want to crap all over a friends’ (or family’s) business if they are making a little extra cash they need . So I’m extremely hesitant to write or share articles about it.

Writing this was tough.. but I won’t share it..except for my twitter account, which has , 14 followers. AND….Probably all hunbots 🤣

It’s tricky and makes me sad for the people who have been scammed. Something that is supposed to be so great for the stay at home parent ..ends up being a trap of deception and house of cards,.. for so many.

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t know how to get to the bottom of it. I wish I did. It is something that seems to haunt me ..even 7 years clear from this ..’Stranger Things’ type of biz industry .

Hopefully, as more light is shed on what really happens..the more people will:

a) do the right thing at the top

b) make the biz model much more transparent

c) not prey on stay at home parents

d decrease the drastic mark up on their products.

Hopefully, something good will come from those who failed and those who succeeded and there will not be such a stigma attached to either saying “no or yes”, to a new shake or eye cream.

Social Media Influence

For so long, I chased a “lifestyle” through drinking…it worked till it didnt.

With the explosion of social media influence and entrepreneurship via social media, this tale is being told:
Buy my “program”, and you can look, be , feel , act , live like me.

From food, to fashion to whatever..no one can deny that social media influence,, is HUGE.

I just entered like 900 giveaways, so don’t get me wrong.. I buy stuff. I follow inspiring influencers. I am inspired by some of this phenomenon. I’m human.
What I’ve learned, is I’m.not trying to “buy” “that” lifestyle , anymore.

I did it A LOT in the past. Through drinking. Then exercising.. then multi level marketing/direct marketing (it has so many titles now so basically Avon on steroids..) in the fitness industry.

Then chasing after “mentors” in hopes they would help me expand my “biz.” Side note/cautionary tale:
.a “true mentor” ain’t gonna require that you sign up for auto ship to gain guidance.. or their “coaching.” Once I really plugged into what I wanted for myself and my family, I really started to dig underneath what I was seeing in front of me.
I don’t have an entrepreneurial spirit. I don’t want a home biz. I don’t want to have a girl boss squad. Or any kind of squad. Or a tribe. Doesn’t mean I’m antisocial or not a productive member of society.
There is nothing wrong with those things /titles/activities 👆..
….there is ALSO nothing wrong if that’s not your path or passion. I simply don’t thrive in forced social constructs.
Giant events pushing a certain agenda make me so anxious I want to stick toothpicks in my eyes. And that is OKAY.
You do you. Dont let the #bossBabe make you feel like your missing out on a chance of a life time bc you dont want to sell a business model to all your friends or some rando person at TJmaxx. I did that.
I drank to fit in , then I replaced it with trying to fit in in other fake ways till
I went into deep depression trying to fit in with a bunch of people to sell “a lifestyle”, that didnt match up with who I was on the inside.

A Kinder, Gentler Annoyed Persona. aka.. Slightly Irritated.

Things that Irritate me lately:

Podcasts. I tried. It’s too much like talk radio which reminds me of Schwetty Balls on SNL which IS FUNNY, as a skit, not as a 59.4 minute cross-talk section of people talking about absolutely nothing.  or ball shaped food.

Boss-Babes. No.

5 minute video-vlog-information that could have been delivered in one sentence or a tik snap vine thing.

Hashtag ‘SO and SO is over/Cancel Culture’ (I wrote a blog about this but I canceled the post because it irritated me so much because I was so irritated by it’s irritability of both what I wrote and that fact that it is even a “thing”  right now. )

Political memes with wildly inaccurate facts, not even intended to be funny.  No. I’m pretty sure she’s not running a fight club under a a doughnut shop.

Trolls without a proper fake profile pic.  Just. Pure. Laziness. bro. At least take the time to steal a profile pic or hack into stock photos.

People who are still making fun of the People of Walmart. Seriously, my kid knows better.

Blow-OUT “Savings” on Life-Style Webinars or products of those webinars.  “I am rich & pretty AND I do good yoga.  I am gonna tell you how I got this way, but you don’t have to pay as much as the person did last week, on my 5 minute 5 point Plan (based on MY opinion and only MY experience).  A vacuum of contradiction and double speak.

Photo-Stock pictures.  Because when I want to read a blog, I want to read a blog.  Unless it’s a picture /gif of a Dog being terrified of a tiny cat. I’m grown – I don’t need pictures to keep my attention. (and if you do, sorry you won’t find them here.  But Also… part of my irritation with this is..me.  I am picture-loading-editing illiterate. I’m terrible at it.  And usually if I’m irritated with someone or something , it’s because I can’t do it and I’m jealous.)

    9 times out of 9.1,  I just want to know how to make chocolate chip cookies. I cannot read the recipe on the back of the bag because I cannot find my glasses, but I CAN enlarge your blog and I do not want to enlarge your blog, to see 800 pictures of your Chef’s Kitchen.   I have friends with beautiful Chef’s kitchens that I can hang out in real life.  . I can go ALSO go on Facebook to see pictures of them making chocolate chip cookies in their Chef’s kitchens.  AND if you do have to put a picture in your chocolate chip recipe blog, please make it realistic. WE all know that if you have a Chef’s Kitchen, you got people living up under that roof and messes were made and  a Gif of “I CANT HEAR THE GAME SHARON” ….would be much more realistic.

Articles/Blogs on how badly we parent.  Pretty sure, we can figure that out all by ourselves. I don’t need a 2000 word essay bullet pointing out every. single. one. of . my . mistakes.

Blasting consumerism during the holidays. Look, I get it – we consume. And sometimes it is WAY out of hand.  But why not focus on the good stuff. Small Biz Saturdays.  Social time spent with family (I LOVE shopping with my daughter.) Finding good deals. Sharing good deals.  Or How you insanely embarrassed your teen child is at every possible American Eagle type of store.  Knowingly and Willingly participating in their embarrassment by staring at them and saying “I can’t believe how much you have grown since last Christmas”, in front of American Eagle staff and crew.   Transcendent Eye Rolling abound.

Pretty much anyone blasting anyone, for the way they celebrate their holidays.  Spoiling the grandchildren is not a crime and buying LUSH bath-bombs at 15 dollars a pop is not a crime.  Indulgent? Maybe a little silly? Possibly Wondering if you could easily make this at home if you were a bit more patient with Pinterest? YES all that.. But not a crime. So calm down Social Justice Consumers – just CALM DOWN>.

Google Cows Farting,  I think there is much more to be had there.  Find a way to cut down on cow farts.  And then we can integrate that into our home life and no one has to clear a room an hour later, after Spot inhaled Little Jada’s hot dog by accident. Pay It Forward with your research on how to cut down on overall flatulent emissions.

I am trying to be less of a negative person. Less cynical and jaded. ( I know right? You’re asking, “wait, Did I switch blog-pieces by accident?”)  Anyways,  I prefer to adopt the term  ‘Slightly Irritated. ‘  Maybe a “kinder-gentler” version of Lewis Black. He screams, I pick on the mundane. It’s all in good fun.

I think the reason these things irritate me is because they are an assault on my senses.  I consume information through reading, writing and comedy.  Drama and droning voices on a webinar or a podcast sound “thirsty.”  Wait, or maybe it’s too reminiscent of college learnin’.  Where the tinny taste of endless diet cokes & weekend-long AND distanced hangovers, hovered like a fog ..on my brain.  So yes, millennials, or however you hath been labeled;  commandeering the darn inter-webs,  all of my irritations listed above are TRIGGERS. I’m triggered.

Or sometimes I recoil at people who look an awful lot like me, in their Glitter-lettered “I’m so Bleeping GRATEFUL” tunics & LulaGupta leggings , dancing around their kitchen making it rain with their Boss-Babe money. I guess… because I tried to do the ‘Boss Babe Glitter Money’ thing once, and wow! did it bring up a lot of insecurities in very odd ways.

The Inter-webs is triggering A>F.   It can be a source of great joy, laughter and connection. It can be a reflection. It can be an addiction. (been there, and I’m pretty sure I spend too much time on it, especially this time of year for some reason).  It can be lots of things.

For me, sifting through its idiosyncrasies and banality , is part of our life today. While we all may yearn to be disconnected and “off the grid” at times, it’s also a giant source of comparability and contradictions , that ironically; levels the playing field a bit.

Right now, I am able to connect with the masses (.03 followers.) and exercise my creative outlet  through this beautiful monster.  I am able to make maybe one person laugh or roll their eyes or evoke emotion  THROUGH rolling their eyes. And isn’t that what it’s all about?  Feeling Connected to our emotions ? Feeling connected to others – even if it’s through a virtual platform?

I’ll take the internet over “off the grid”, living any-day. Yes, it’s important to disconnect and God knows my family needs to do much more of it. We will find our way. I will find my way to balance.  Until then, I will keep trying to come up with “funky ass shit like every single day”* (Or other day, or every other other day) via the internet.

also, I have no idea why I’m using hath or thou.

* Quote from Snoop Dogs Gin and Juice and thanks to the internet for giving me this ability because I had LEGIT forgotten what the name of the song was and only remembered various lyrics form this song and without the internet I would have had to get on my neon phone and call someone and ask.

Black FriYay

Reprimanded in Sephora for opening Glitter Pallets. 👊

Asked American Eagle support-staff, if they thought ‘these’ pants would fit my 14 year old son who just hit a giant growth spurt… (my daughter walked away & joined another family at that moment ) 👊

Smelled every candle in every single store and exclaimed “OMG that smells soo good!”👊

Reprimanded In parking lot, for being bad at parking.👊


3 Pronged Approach to a Kindgarten Telephone Call.

This is my Gown UP 3 point plan.. and maybe stolen quotes from kindergarten.

…With a…”secret telephone game” twist of mid life cynicism..

1) Never ever put your eggs in one basket. Unless you literally need to, because you only have one basket for the eggs and in that case..you NEED TO GET ANOTHER BASKET.

2) Don’t expect life to meet your expectations . You have to adjust accordingly. Unless someone puts mayo on your sandwich and you SPECIFICALLY asked them NOT TO PUT MAYO ON YOUR SANDWICH.

Then, AND only then can you…sigh and passive aggressively wipe the mayo of the sandwich, in front of the waitress/or and say “no no it’s fine. Sigh sigh sigh.sighsigh…I’ll survive ”

3) Comparison is the thief of joy (eleanor roosevelt I think..too lazy to Googleses.)

Seriously. STOP COMPARING YOIR LIFE TO WHAT YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA or MEDIA. Or in some life Changers podinarwebcast thingy.

It’s staged. Cropped.. photo shopped.edit.. You will NEVER know the truth..ever. (unless TMZ catches up with them and then it’s skeletons falling over each other trying to run out of that closet faster than someone who recently left the White House to publish a new “Tell-all”)

A picture is no longer worth any words because they are all LIES. (Ok I’m being a little on the nose with cynicism but I’m making a thinkpiece POINT!!! And to Thinkpiece Point is to be On The Nose)

In all SERIOUS NESS. How many times have you taken a beautiful picture of your family/loved ones/friends and then 5 seconds later it all goes to hell in a handbasket.**


Hand-baskets and eggs with a sprinkling of hellish moments and you have to figure out how to deal with it ON YOUR TERMS.

Not how a “lifesprunged” lifer of living life told you to do it at the seminar you paid 2k to attend.

Not how your best friend told you to do it.

Not how your mom or dad or aunt or uncle or any family member told you.

And certainly not from a celebrity/influencer who claims to have it all figured out for you in whatver it is they are selling.

Maybe there is fantastic advice sprinkled in there with a tidbits of sensationalized life events.

Maybe there is wisdom you CAN’T get from anywhere else.

But at the end of the day. YOU are in the driver seat. It’s your car, your life ..and each choice you make is your decision.

If you make a mistake own it and move forward from growth.

If you succeeded, share it wisely and truthfully.

And if you are depressed by the constant barrage of seemingly endless life fixers selling you better life in the world. .Turn. That. Off. And look INWARD.

That’s my hall mark moment or the day.

** some of the “best” pictures of me or in my phone may have been at my lowest moments or in times or great pain.

My point is, when you “see” what you see on the interwebs or tele, you have to remember that you are no longer getting the full picture by choice because that doesn’t produce profit.

This is not necessarily good or evil or wrong or right.. It is simply a fact.

Therefore, next time you see a person and say to yourself. . “gosh I wish my body looked like that” I get it. I’ve said it. I also know I don’t really mean it. Maybe I think it now for a fleeting 5 seconds, but then I stop.

And I remember alll the work I’ve done on my busy brain. I take a deep breath. I rub my belly and gaze at my gracious teenagers who I’ve asked 7890 times to unload the dishes. “Omg ARE YOU GUYS EVEN LISTENING TO ME?? WHY ARE THE DISHES STILL IN THE DISHWASHER AND WHY IS THEIR A CHOCOLATE MILK CONTAINER IN THE BATHROOM BEHIND THE QTIPS AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE COMPLAINT ABOUT THE LAGGY CANADIAN INTERNET….”

Wait what was I talking about.. oh yes gratitude for my “mummy tummy ” of 2 teens and gratitude that I’m no longer obsessed with “fixing ” about myself because it doesnt meet some impossible standard set by someone other than Myself.!

My point is..

stop. Thinking.


should. Be ..different

..and start celebrating what you have right now.

Cancel Culture

I was lucky enough to grow up in a time where my mistakes didn’t go viral.

We live in a time that is stifling creativity because anytime, anyone makes a mistake they get “cancelled.”

Publically or privately.

That’s some bullshit.

Should we check racism, bigotry and hate speech ?

hell yes.

SHOULD we check someone who made an inappropriate comment (s) or joked offensively?

YES but should we also ‘cancel’ them because they are not ________ enough for our liking?

There are a MILLION examples of “it.”

If you’re living and breathing in this modern world.. ..you know exactly what I’m talking about..

Cancel culture doesn’t seem to discriminate either. It happens to anyone who makes an opinion out loud and the majority opposition deems the person unworthy based on their opinion.

Or.. God forbid, they were human and said/tweeted something really stupid…in the past ..that they regret bc they GREW UP.

(seriously?? I said dumb stuff And you know I’m not terminally unique in my abilities to say dumb stuff yes… I’m talking to anyone reading this!!!!)

How are we supposed to grow, learn change and CREATE?,.. if we are fearful of getting canceled for offending anyone??

On a smaller scale, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone vitriocally comment on someone elses’ innocous post.

An example:

-Picture of pretty girl doing yoga with her puppy.’

Commenter :

‘You spoiled-thin-privileged puppy-breeding monster !!”

You know I’m not too far off with hyperbole in my example either..

It’s as though the world told this commenter…

….. “because I suffered through,, x,y and z and this person seems to be thriving on social media…. I’m going to make sure the world knows they had more lucky breaks in their life, than I did..”


I see it all. The. Time.

Yes. White Privilege exists. Thin privilege exists. Pretty Privilege exists. Affluent Privilege exists. If you are reading this on an electronic device. You benefited from some kind of privilege at some point.

I grew up in abusive foster care and an abusive/chaotic home but I also benefited from white privilege, a fiery metabolism and middle class privilege. Even though my childhood sucked, I grew up more privileged than most.

I recognize it. I don’t abuse it and I do my best to pay it forward as best I as I am able.

Yes, systemic racism and hatred of another based on sexual orientation .. exists..

It exists based on a lack of diversity and oppression and an unjust legal system that favors white, heterosexual people.

I absolutely comprehend and agree that more should be done by the government/people in power…to combat THAT which is stated above.

I’m not talking about “that.” I’m talking about people using all of the unjustly said above to cancel /comment/attack another human being..based on their rage for “that” said above.

There is a difference bewteen leveling the playing field and attacking people , simply because they exist through some token privileges. .another finds unworthy or mistaken.

I’m talking about trolls or the mob-outrage-take-down of another human being for being a human being and making a MISTAKE.

Does one negate or begat the other ?


Do we need to scream at each other because someones’ life seems too privileged and corruption exists in our political and justice system?


I grew up in “cancel culture” in my own home.. My existence was tested and invalidated and wrong..

I constantly had to justify my own existence in my own home.

If I wasn’t suffering through “Something”.. I was “lucky/privileged and spoiled.” And reminded of that daily by one guardian who hated herself and the world.

So I understand that feeling like the odds were stacked against me from birth. And yes it’s made me angry. But I also know we can change as a “cancel culture” because I have.

I’ve gone from throwing phones at my husband in insane fights and breaking plates and actual cupboards and computers in anger. I’ve stopped writing scathing reviews about people, places and things out of unhealed outrage and pain..

I started to focusing on healing that pain and what I can control versus what I have zero control over, which is how people live their lives, or mistakes they made in the past and have made ammends for outloud or by growing up and changing..

If people don’t see eye to eye, its become a vitriolic war of the words because of unhealed pain and trauma..

On-line, in the media, and anywhere else we can veto someone’s opinion, simply with the tip tap tap of a keyboard and we feel better for a nanosecond.

“If you don’t support the President you’re a communist.”

“If you support the President you’re a hateful racist and bigot.”

“If you stay silent on my activist cause, you’re contributing to the violence”

The list of outrage and anger and cancel culture will go on and on ..if we don’t start checking on our own selves and motives.

I’m speaking as A US citizen living on Canadian soil..Cancel culture happens in Canada too..its just doesn’t seem to be as vitriolic or explosive.

I do see it on line and I follow both Canadian and US based accounts to widen my perspective.

My point being:

I’ve seen it..and I’ve seen it a lot more as of late.

I’ve seen people cancel each other out privately/personally and publically because one belief doesn’t perfectly align up with another.

We are better than this.

IM not speaking on any one incident . I’m speaking to all of you that are angry about your past or ‘the’ past , so we want to take it out on what we see ‘right’ iin front of us.

Because we are in pain.

Yes. Damn right you/we have a right to be angry! But what possible positive outcome do you want by trolling , fighting or unnecessarily canceling another human being?

We CAN CHOOSE TO channel that anger into something ELSE.

We think that by canceling each other out, we will heal our pain.

All we are doing is closing ourselves in on ourselves and existing in an empty void of our own beliefs and individuality.

We can fight for what is right and true and beloved without crucifying people that don’t look , think, write, speak or act exactly like us.

We can fight for what is right without attacking each other on line with silly memes comparing the military’s plight to children/families seeking asylum from the massacres in their own country.

Or attacking something/someone that is different from us??

We all want to he heard, loved, fed, nurtured , fulfilled and a chance to earn a honest living. We also all want a chance to be able to show our lives on social media (as all 4 billion plus people do every day) without being “canceled” because we said something tone deaf or looked too damn gorgeous.

So I quote English Parliment Guy said , John Bercow;

ORDER ORDER ORDER AND BE A GOOD BOY (and girl and/or however you identify)

Pick your battles.

Choose your words.

Live and let Live daily, check what’s wrong and hateful but stop trying to cancel out that which makes you look inward.

Instead, look inward and cancel out your own hatred of another for not being just like you.